Pie Quotes

– “But I, when I undress me Each night upon my knees Will ask the Lord to bless me, With apple pie and cheese.” ~ Eugene Field

– “Pie is a symbol of something bigger than Mom and her way with desserts.” ~ Pasquale Le Draqulec

– “We ought to make the pie higher.” ~ George W. Bush

– “Men may come and men may go…..but Pie goes on for ever.” ~ George Augustus Sala

– “Pie and Coffee is approximately the third best social interaction a man can hope to have with a woman.” ~Unknown

– “The future… seems to me no unified dream but a mince pie, long in the baking, never quite done.” ~ Edward Young

– “Just had lunch with the president who seems pensive, slightly deflated, realistic, aggravated and resolute. Didn’t eat his pie.” ~ Katie Couric on Barack Obama prior to 2010 State of the Union

– “Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken.” ~ Jonathan Swift

– “Don’t let your dad eat pie” ~ Andy Samberg in ‘Hot Rod’

– “Pessimism is as American as apple pie; frozen apple pie with a slice of processed cheese.” ~ George F. Will

-“Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie…a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.” ~George Orwell

– “Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.” ~Jim Davis

– “Good apple pies are a considerable part of our domestic happiness” ~Jane Austen

– “Mmmm… pie pants… ” ~ Homer J.  Simpson

– “You had me at fruit pies” – Bobby Hill, King of the Hill

– “Let’s stop for a moment to admire the rotating pies.” ~ David Letterman

– “Egg whites are good for a lot of things – lemon meringue pie, angel food cake, and clogging up radiators.” ~MacGyver

– “Pie is the American synonym of prosperity, and its varying contents the calendar of the changing seasons.” ~ NY Times, 1902

– “I’m more American than apple pie. I’m like apple pie, with a hot dog in it” ~Stephen Colbert

– “I remember Boston, and that victory was as sweet as the cream pie for which the town was named.” ~ Will Ferrell in Blades of Glory

– “The Apple Pie Hubbub was a significant novel for me, because that’s when I first started using verbs.” ~ Steve Martin

– “Can’t talk. Eating fried pie. Experiencing nirvana.” ~ from the TV series “Ed”

– “I’ve put an umbrella in my mouth and opened it. I sat in a lemon-meringue pie. I’ve done terrible things to my dog with a fork…” ~ Steve Martin

– “I think cheesecake is like a distant cousin of pie that pie doesn’t speak to.” ~ Me

– “Pie is the food of the heroic. No pie eating nation can ever be vanquished.”  ~NY Times

– “You like pie? I like pie.” ~ Barack Obama

– “We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that’s gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.” ~Johnny Carson

– “Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there’s something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.” ~ Johnny Carson

– “Herschel, life is not fun. Life is serious. Seltzer is for drinking, not for spraying. Pie is for noshing, not for throwing.” ~ Rabbi Hyman Krustofski (Krusty’s Dad on the Simpsons)

– “Candy might be sweet, but it’s a traveling carnival blowing through town. Pie is home. People always come home.” ~ Pushing Daisies

– “More people will come if they think we have punch and pie.” ~ Eric Cartman (South Park)

– “It’s apple pies that make the menfolks’ mouths water. Pies made from apples like these.” ~ the Queen in “Snow White”

– “When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it’s not, mmmmmmmm, boy.” – Jack Handy

– “Well, it’s Thanksgiving. Some people bake pies… we bake ourselves.” ~ Michael Kelso (That 70s Show)

– “Our store is called The Pie Hole. As in shut your. Or in this case “Open your” because it’s real good.” ~ Olive Snook (Pushing Daisies)

-“An attractive man who makes pies for a living shouldn’t even spend a short amount of time in prison.” ~ Emerson Cod (Pushing Daisies)

-“The expression “pie in the sky” / Entered popular culture in 1911. / It refers to a dessert so sweet, / It could only be found in heaven. / If you’re craving something / Before you die, / I recommend where / The Pie Maker makes his pies…” ~ Pushing Daisies

-“If you have 60% of a pie, that’s still a lot of pie!” ~ Denise (The Cosby Show)

-“…this one time, we shot up a sleeping hobo full of novocaine, then we’d yell, “Pie on the windowsill!” And they’d wake up all numb and poor and we’d laugh. But that’s just the kind of stuff you do growing up in Midland, when you’re a young, precocious little thirty-year-old.” ~ Will Ferrell as George W. Bush in You’re Welcome America – A Final Night with George W Bush

-[showing an empty circle] “This is a pie chart about procrastination.” ~Demetri Martin

– “This is a pie chart describing my favorite bars. And this is a bar graph describing my favorite pies.” ~ Marshall (Jason Segel) on How I Met Your Mother

– “I think mama’s rhubarb pie could solve more problems overnight.” ~ Rhubarb Pie (song), Five Iron Frenzy

– “Rhubarb Pie/ Rhubarb Pie/ It might rain tomorrow/ Better get some before I die” ~ Rhubarb Pie (song) John Fogerty

– “One little thing can revive a guy/ and that is a homemade rhubarb pie/ Serve it up nice and hot/ maybe things aren’t as bad as you thought.” ~ A Prairie Home Companion

– “I had a vision that a man came unto us on a flaming pie, and he said, ‘You are Beatles with an A.’ And so we were.”~ John Lennon

– “If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, ‘Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.’” ~ Demetri Martin

– “Pi is an “irrational number.” Pie is irrationally delicious, especially with ice cream.” @fakeapstylebook on Twitter.

– “And the bigger the fall, the bigger the joke. It would be better fun to throw a custard pie at a bishop than at a curate.” – George Orwell

– “Never doubt that a small, committed group of people with pies can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” – Subcommandante Tofutti

– “Admiral Halsey notified me,
He had to have a berth or he couldn’t get to sea.
I had another look and I had a cup of tea and butter pie.
(Butter Pie? )(The Butter wouldn’t melt so I put it in the pie.)” ~ Paul McCartney / Wings

– “There are pies on a carousel, have a slice.” ~ Cake (the band)

– “Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I’d never know ’cause I wouldn’t eat the filthy mother******.” ~ Samuel L. Jackson in “Pulp Fiction”

– “Lisa, hello. How are you doing in England? Remember, an elevator is called a “lift”, a mile is called a “kilometer” and botulism is called “steak and kidney pie” ~ Marge on “The Simpsons”

– “As Mr. Sloan always says, there is no “I” in team, but there is an “I” in pie. And there’s an “I” in meat pie. Anagram of meat is team… I don’t know what he’s talking about.” ~ Shaun of the Dead

– “This must be where pies go when they die.” ~ Twin Peaks

– “Baby don’t you cry, gonna make a pie, gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle/Baby don’t be blue, gonna make for you, gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle/Gonna make a pie from heaven above, gonna be filled with strawberry love/Baby don’t you cry, gonna make a pie, and hold you forever in the middle of my heart.” ~ Keri Russell in “Waitress”

– “She bakes fifty pies a day for her dead husband. Most of the pies are filled with soap.” ~ Mystery Team

– “Come back here, I’ll make Hollywag pie out of you! I’ll turn you into a paperweight!” ~ He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

– “What kind of Thanksgiving dinner is this? Where’s the turkey, Chuck? Don’t you know anything about Thanksgiving dinners? Where’s the mashed potatoes? Where’s the cranberry sauce? Where’s the pumpkin pie?” ~ Peppermint Patty

– “Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies… without an oven.” ~ George Carlin

– “God always has another custard pie up his sleeve.” ~ Lynn Redgrave

– “The only thing that shuts my pie hole is pie.” ~ Shawn on the  “Psych” TV Series

– “Clowns have no respect for pie.” ~ Demetri Martin

– “God’s got his hands in a lot of human pies. ” ~ Wyatt Cenac on “The Daily Show

– “We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie.” ~ David Mamet, “Boston Marriage”

– “She dries her eyes and bakes her pies and leaves ’em on the window sill” ~ John Hartford